It’s sometimes hard for non-military families to understand what military families have to experience. As I prepare for my other half to deploy for the first time in our relationship, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to call someone “my soldier”. Therefore, this is a message to those who are missing their soldier right now, and to those who don’t understand what that might feel like or look like.
As a disclaimer, I’ve never lost a loved one in the military, I haven’t had to experience a deployment where I didn’t know where my loved one was, and I haven’t had to face many of the struggles that military families have had to face. However, I can still empathize and stand beside you and support you through moments like these, which is why I’m writing this.
This letter is for spouses, children, parents, siblings, and friends that have been brought into this lifestyle. You are truly the backbone of the military, whether you realize it or not. You are the resource when your soldiers credit card was declined because he suddenly finds himself in a foreign country and you’re the only one with access to the account. You are the one who attends the meetings and writes down the important dates to remind your soldier later because he won’t remember when he’s got so many other things to do. You are the one who is in constant worry about the safety and health of your soldier.
My father joined the military at an old age while my boyfriend joined the military at a very young age. I’ve had to experience an active duty lifestyle as a daughter and a National Guard lifestyle as a girlfriend. There have been so many things that I’ve experienced but there have been so many things I haven’t. That’s the beauty of this community, we are all at different points in our journey with our soldier. You could be with someone fresh out of basic (or boot camp for you Marine families) or you could be with someone who has been in the service for over 20 years and is in charge of a multitude of people.
One thing that is very important to understand about the Armed Forces is that no singular branch is better or worse than any other branch. The only people who can make the jokes or make the argument are those who are either currently serving or call themselves a member of a military family. It’s very similar to having a sibling; yes, I can make fun of my brother’s glasses or how smart he is, but the moment someone outside of my family makes the same joke they will find themselves on the inside of a garbage can. It’s just frowned upon.
Another aspect of military life is whether your soldier is active duty or not. Active duty personnel are those who live on a base and their entire job is the military. However, for someone in the National Guard, for example, they have to fulfill a monthly obligation to attend “drill” where they have training or perform duties for the unit. However, what most people don’t realize is that their job is just as important as the active duty members of the military.
Along with that monthly commitment, for the National Guard, there can be an annual training where the entire state goes to a training base and completes an extensive training program. In addition to annual training, members of a National Guard unit can be put on a rotation for a deployment. What happens when members of the National Guard have to face a long period of training or have to be deployed? Well, their 9-5 job gets put on hold and they have to change their lifestyle for the military.
This is for the loved ones who have had to help their soldier through a time when their employer wasn’t understanding to their situation. The number of stories I’ve heard of soldiers who have had to face employers and co-workers who didn’t understand why “they couldn’t just say no”, is disappointing. What’s even more difficult is the frustration felt by the support team at home when their soldier tells them what’s happening. Do these people not understand that their role in the National Guard is just as important as someone who has decided to take on the active duty life and make the military their job? Do these people really think that it’s a vacation for these men and women?
These are the questions we are forced to face constantly. Even with active duty families, it’s a constant frustration of knowing your loved one is putting their well-being on the line to protect those who take their sacrifice for granted. That’s one of the hardest pills to swallow.
You are valued. Your time away from your solider, whether that be because of their training, deployment, or because they’ve made the ultimate sacrifice for their country, doesn’t go unnoticed. You are supported, even when you feel like you’re a one-person show holding the pieces together. In this enormous military community, your aggravation and heartache are felt everywhere.
Don’t feel that because you have to put on a supportive, happy face for your soldier also means you have to keep that face on all the time and only take it off behind closed doors. Wherever you find yourself, whether on a base or off, you are never alone and it’s okay to be angry and frustrated. Your job isn’t to stay happy, your job is to be there when your soldier needs you and to take care of yourself when it’s becoming too much to bear. Remember, you are only going to be the support system they need as long as you are in a good place first.
Thank you for taking on the responsibility of calling someone your soldier.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.