Please, Don’t Lose Your Identity in That Boy

Understanding your identity is not always easy, and losing your identity in a relationship is the worst.

A close friend of mine is going through a rough time in her life where the boy she dated for a long time broke up with her. Because she has placed her identity in her relationship with him, she can’t let him go.

This kind of relationship is toxic and something that many young women have experienced. If the boy doesn’t remove himself from your life, you have to do it for him. Easier said than done, right?

My freshman year of college, I was in an abusive relationship.

I bet you weren’t ready for that turn of events, but I’m serious. I wasn’t in a physically abusive relationship, but an emotional one where I was told I wasn’t smart, pretty, or funny. My laugh was embarrassing, and my middle name sounded like the name of a cow. Long story short, I was miserable and trapped in a relationship I felt like I couldn’t escape.

What people don’t understand is that when placed in an emotionally abusive relationship, you feel like you can’t get out. You’ve become dependent on that person. They make you believe that you need them in your life because they are the only one who would love you. This was the toxic relationship that I couldn’t leave.

What got me out of my relationship was removing myself from him by literally leaving the city.

After going home over Christmas break and reconnecting with Christ, I remembered who I was. I recalled the multiple times in the past where Christ provided me with inward peace and is the mighty rock who made me feel safe and who provided a fortress where I can feel secure (Psalm 62:5-6).

I found a piece of my identity that I had lost. My identity in Christ was what I needed for the chains of my relationship to fall. I ended things over a text message, blocked him from ever contacting me again, and wiped my hands clean.

My family and friends couldn’t understand why I had placed myself in such a horrible situation. After reflection, I realized I had put myself there because I didn’t know who I was.

Throughout my dating history, I have always chosen questionable people. Rather than placing my identity in Christ, I was placing my identity in the person I was dating.

Placing your identity in someone else while only lead to rejection and confusion. Don’t put your identity in the labels this world tells you to fill. The most empowering feeling is to find your identity.